Like a combination of fresh paint and dried spittle. It wasn’t what i would call a ‘dream apartment’ but it had that ideal location factor that had appealed to me and countless other scums, i suppose- judging by the funky smell i was taking in as i strolled around the empty apartment.
My Landlord (i use the word loosely) wobbled over to my side and offered a shady smile and a theatrically hand gesture taking in the whole room in a sweep like he was giving me a tour of Buckingham palace.
He seemed oblivious of the annoying smell. Maybe his nose functioned sporadically like his brain because i had told him earlier on the phone that i wanted a modest one room apartment and here he was showing me a two room equivalent.
“Oga, you no like am?” he ventured carefully.
He managed that crooked smile again as he peered into my face expectantly. I took a step backward and regarded him suspiciously.
Why was he crowding me after only a three minute tour?
There were a thousand things wrong with the apartment. It had king sized cracks on the walls, the taps squeaked fiercely but didn’t produce much water and there were watermark stains on the wall of the tiny toilet. Maintenance issues would be a nightmare; a nightmare i couldn’t afford. I was certain that i would regret it as soon as i took it. I had to refuse this earnest Landlord.
“I will take it.”
It was my first night in the apartment and i was giddy with excitement. I had moved my things in a few hours ago so it was official- i was a house owner. I was preparing for my final exams and so i needed a quiet place to study without the constant interruption that campus life offered.
I was just settling in, spreading my books on the table ready for a night of marathon study when suddenly the whole apartment erupted in an explosive rumble of sound. The walls of the room shook violently sending my newly installed matriculation pictures crashing to the floor in a splinter of glass. The table vibrated animatedly toppling an open bottle of coke over my open textbook. I dove for the safety of the floor, placing my hand over my head to protect it from anything that might come crashing on it. In all the pandemonium i must have let out an involuntary scream because the next thing i heard over the noise was hurried footsteps on the staircase and someone shouting my name.
As suddenly as it began, everything stopped; shaking, noise and all.
The door suddenly burst open as my landlord shuffled in looking wide eyed and scared. He was brandishing a slender stick which he held over his head as he looked around the room. After a cursory glance around the small room, he lowered the stick and started to snicker softly. After a few seconds it became a full-fledged laugh. He was soon bent over pointing at me and laughing his head off.
I soon realized that my undignified position on the ground wasn’t helping matters. So i scrambled to my feet in a bid to gain some dignity and glowered at him. He soon recovered and stared at me with watery eyes. I mustered enough courage and asked him.
“What...what was that?”
He giggled some more and finally recovered enough to speak.
“Oga, na train wey pass na im make you dey shake like leaf so?”
That’s when it all came to me. God! How daft! I kicked myself mentally as i realized that a rusty train track ran directly across the back of the building i just rented.
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